No, I'm not watching it either

So, anyone watching the Olympics?

Nah, me neither.

I've realized that I absolutely don't care about the Olympics in general, but the Winter Games inspire a whole new level of apathy.

It's not just that the whole thing is just a hypocritical orgy of nationalistic cheering that masquerades as promoting international understanding.

It's that the sports in the Winter Games suck. I wouldn't even call most of them sports.

Seriously, figuring skating? That's dancing on ice. Not a sport. Unless someone is getting hit in the kneecap with a pipe, I don't care.

The half-pipe? What the hell is that anyway? Any activity that allows you to listen on your Ipod while you do it is not a sport. And looking at the participants, I'd say that "half-pipe" sounds like something they're smoking, not riding on.

The luge? It just seems childish to watch a guy slide down on his back. Skeleton? Same thing, only on his stomach.

Speedskating? Okay, that's basically a foot race on ice. I'll give you that one's a sport. But do they have to wear full body condoms?

The only legitimate sport in the Winter Games is hockey and, let's be honest, even with the NFL players, the US team usually sucks. And do they have to recycle the "miracle on ice" angle every year? Okay, we get it, it was the cold war, and we beat the Ruskies at hockey. It was great when it happened, but that was 26 years ago!

But curling? I'm sorry, but there's now way you can make sweeping look athletic.

While on the subject. Soccer is not a sport. Soccer is the downfall of civilization. Whereve soccer is played, riots occur. Soccer is the only "sport" that is documented to have caused a war in Latin America. I'm sure the end game in the 6th century when two gladiators started kicking an inflated pig's bladder back and forth.

Pro-wrestling is not a sport. It's not just that fake. It's the fact that it's the stupidest thing on the planet.

Golf is not a sport. If you need a servant to carry your equipment, it's not a sport.

Wake me the games are over.